Anatomy of the Other (Virtual) Woman

Many game widows feel that video games are like the "other woman." Competition for your affections. After all, when a gamer is stressed out about something, does he talk it over with you? No, he turns on the computer. Who does he spend all his time thinking about, planning for, and hanging out with? The game. Who does he buy stuff for? The game. Who does he talk about? His online friends. For those of us getting nothing over the shoulder but expressionless cartoons and repetitive music and phrases, it's impossible to understand how a game can possibly compete with a real person - and win.

How can this game be better company than a real person?

In a nutshell, video games have been programmed to attract and hold the attention of gamers. Sex and violence alone can't do this, and blaming content alone is shortsighted. The real grabbers are: the ability to have a unique and controllable image, to find easy friendships, to accomplish clearly stated goals and have a guaranteed reward, the chance to be wealthy in goods and cash, find something fresh to explore and experience every day, and exist in a realistic supersize reality other than this one...built just for your enjoyment. These are delights difficult to come by in the real world. To accomplish the things in reality that come automatically with faithful gameplay takes patience, effort, time, skill, knowledge and often a great deal of money. Worse, it takes regular experince with failure before finding success. Most people expect to face difficulties in real life, and are prepared for setbacks. However, why face disappointment if you don't have to?

We've all fantasized about getting away from it all. For some of us, this means a permanent vacation to a beach, or winning the lottery. Others imagine what it would be like to be able to move to a fictional world they've read about in a book, or seen in a movie. Gamers who don't surface from their virtual worlds except when forced to by Mother Nature or going to work to support their game subscription have done just that...moved into a permanent fantasy world.

Not all video games have all these attractions built in. Massively multi-player online games do, and console games have a majority of them, especially if networked online. Even casual games feature one or two of these sticky factors to attract and hold the attention of the player. These games may look like they'd be boring after a few minutes or hours, but once in, you're invested. You feel you've worked for your reward, but really, you've been rewarded for having fun. This is how video games compete with real life and real people.

So really, the other woman is YouLite. She has all the same attractions you do...the only difference is that she's emotionally cheap and safe, gives frequent flyer miles, flirts but won't commit and is completely disposable. Don't like her, tired of her? Exchange her for a different one. Doesn't that make you feel better? You might be tempted now to tell your gamer those pearls are fake. But don't bother. To him, that virtual woman is a classy lady. And if he knows he prefers virtual relationships to you, he doesn't want to hear the ugly truth out loud, from you. That's a different conversation.

(Wendy Kays' first book, Game Widow, publishes September 1st, 2008. Sneak preview copies are available at GameWidow.org.)