Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Go Selfish With Your New Year's Resolutions

All the game widows - and game widowers - I know are making New Year's Resolutions. For the most part, they are the same goals everyone else makes. Get more exercise, spend more time with family and friends, etc. However, unlike most people I know, most of the success of their goal relies on a change in Someone Else.

This Someone Else is the significant other who has no intention of cutting back on time spent playing video games this year.

So my game widow friends are doomed to failure. Why? Because you can't make goals for other people and expect them to be met. You can only make an impact on truly personal goals. Selfish goals, that have nothing to do with changing anyone but the goal-maker, and require action (or inaction, if quitting something is at stake) only by the person wanting change.

If you think about it, most gamers have no incentive to change. First, they don't see anything wrong with having another person waiting on them hand and foot. I'd truly love to be in that dilemma myself, honestly. Second, even if they want to pull back on gaming to enjoy other important parts of their life, when the goal is dictated from on high by someone really fed up and angry...well...the kneejerk reaction is to take the opposite point of view and fight for the right to be a total slob.

Most gamers want balance. They understand that gaming is a double-edged sword. Most of the benefits of play are also drawbacks when games are abused. However, changing needs to be their priority - not yours.

So this year, make some truly selfish goals. Change things the half of the relationship you DO have control over. Some suggestions: Stop being angry. Stop waiting on your gamer like a slave. And stop waiting on your gamer, period. In more detail: Gamers don't notice your anger while gaming, and use it as an excuse to escape back into the game. Stop punishing yourself, and them, and be shocked at how much happier you are. Don't do any personal chores for an adult gamer (laundry, toiletry shopping, etc.) that affect only them, and don't wait or expect them to help you. And don't wait on the couch for the magical "when the game is over" moment. Leave. Get a life. Have your own friends, career, pursuits and life that doesn't come to a halt just because your SO's head is stuck in Neverland.

Happy New Year, and...Be Happier This Year!

(Wendy Kays is the author of "Game Widow," a short guide to all the burning questions non-gamers have about why gamers are doing this to us.)

No comments: