A few years ago, a family member sent Jennifer and her husband, Bob, a check for Christmas. Bob asked Jennifer if he could buy a game console with the money. Jennifer reluctantly agreed. Bob immediately left the house to buy the console, invited a friend to come over and play, and they spent the rest of Christmas Day sitting on the coffee table playing. Jennifer, sitting on the couch, took a picture of the backs of their heads to remember the holiday. She still has it.
As millions of people across the globe prepare for a season of gift giving and family, many are unwittingly planning the failure of their own peace on earth. How? By buying the perfect gift for the obsessive gamer in their life – another video game. Experienced parents and spouses of gamers know that the worst days of game widowhood (i.e. being ignored by a gamer) are those when a gamer gets a new game.
For both gamers and non-gamers, the temptation to give video games as gifts is almost overwhelming. After all, they are received with great joy and enthusiasm, they are great babysitters, and they’re cheap in dollars per hour compared to other forms of entertainment. However, this cheap peace can come with a high emotional price tag. With the positives of video games, there are also well-recognized negatives: the tantrums, the fights over whose turn it is, the gamer’s emotional angst during play and hangover after playing…and the simple fact that a gamer gaming is not spending time with a non-gaming family.
Five suggestions for people considering games as gifts:
First, if you have a problem gamer in the family, don’t give him or her a video game gift. No hardware, no software, no virtual property, nothing. It just doesn’t make sense to give a gift, any gift, which will only cause more trouble.
Second, if you want a non-gaming holiday, set expectations for that, with your gamer, ahead of time.
Third, have your gamer help decide the non-game guests and activities for that day.
Fourth, if despite your best efforts your gamer does retreat into a video game, don’t yell, nag, or beg. But don’t wait on him or her with food and apologies, either.
Fifth and finally, enjoy holiday activities and friends…without the gamer. Don’t be an emotional hostage. It’s natural to be disappointed that things didn’t turn out as hoped, but you need to remember that adults get to make their own decisions, and face the consequences of those decisions. All you can control is your half of the relationship.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Discussing Virtual Finances
Most game widows don’t know they need to talk to their gamers about finances. With money being the number one most embarrassing subject – ahead of sex – for individuals to talk about frankly, even if you’ve managed to cover who pays the bills, or how much allowance to, well, allow…you probably haven’t talked about virtual real estate values or micropurchases. Non-gamers are usually completely unaware that real money is now tied to virtual derring-do. How? In four ways:
At the most basic level, it costs money to buy the hardware and software, not to mention the peripherals, to play video games. You probably talked over the purchase of the new console, but what about the updated motherboard and memory for the PC?
Second, the payout to play doesn’t end with hardware and the game disk. Once logged into some console and PC games, some games require monthly subscriptions to play, and offer players optional items, upgrades and other perks for only a few cents or dollars. These small, regular purchases can add up over time in a way that makes the word “micropurchase” seem like a ludicrous and misleading term. Do you track these?
Third, people, and that includes the gamer in your household, can pay real money for virtual items and sell things they’ve won/made in the virtual world. Did you know your wife’s personal island in Second Life was worth about two grand, U.S. greenbacks? If the current economic mess has you looking for things to sell off, you might not even think of virtual property. Your gamer may think of these properties as strictly personal, but the time is coming when that assumption will be tested in a community property state during a divorce, where the law states that 50% of all assets belong to each spouse. Do you know how much money and property your gamer has, online and off?
Fourth, earnings from the sales of online properties are significant enough to build a business around. There are virtual businesses making real money for virtual goods and services, real businesses built around playing only to acquire valuable virtual properties to sell (called gold farming), and companies that exist only to broker virtual property sales. The business of gathering and trading virtual goods and services for real goods/services is now significant enough to attract the interest of taxing entities. In other words, China just recently decided to officially tax businesses dealing in virtual stuff, and it won’t be long before your taxman follows suit, and decides that individual gamers are worth taxing, too.
Playing video games may be a hobby, but it is a lucrative one. Game companies and software makers who cater to the gamer make billions of dollars per year. But the money can flow back from the game, too. It doesn’t matter how old or young your gamer is…you need to talk about the finances of play, both outgoing and incoming. Further, both gamers and non-gamers should be familiar with the issues and ethics of virtual commerce when it’s tied to real money. The rules don’t change just because the tools do. Sweatshops, theft, and greed are just as real online as they are off, and should not only be a part of the pro-con list of choosing to game, but also under consideration when choosing which games to play.
Ask your gamer about these issues, and make some decisions about how you’ll handle the value of online play. After all, on the modern playground, it’s not just lunch money at stake when for a blurted password, you can get oh, so much more. Know how your money flows, where it goes, and how to protect and manage it. Even if it seems as imaginary and fantastic as the money handled by Wall Street and the U.S. Federal Reserve system.
(Wendy Kays is the author of Game Widow, available wherever books on extremely interesting topics are sold.)
At the most basic level, it costs money to buy the hardware and software, not to mention the peripherals, to play video games. You probably talked over the purchase of the new console, but what about the updated motherboard and memory for the PC?
Second, the payout to play doesn’t end with hardware and the game disk. Once logged into some console and PC games, some games require monthly subscriptions to play, and offer players optional items, upgrades and other perks for only a few cents or dollars. These small, regular purchases can add up over time in a way that makes the word “micropurchase” seem like a ludicrous and misleading term. Do you track these?
Third, people, and that includes the gamer in your household, can pay real money for virtual items and sell things they’ve won/made in the virtual world. Did you know your wife’s personal island in Second Life was worth about two grand, U.S. greenbacks? If the current economic mess has you looking for things to sell off, you might not even think of virtual property. Your gamer may think of these properties as strictly personal, but the time is coming when that assumption will be tested in a community property state during a divorce, where the law states that 50% of all assets belong to each spouse. Do you know how much money and property your gamer has, online and off?
Fourth, earnings from the sales of online properties are significant enough to build a business around. There are virtual businesses making real money for virtual goods and services, real businesses built around playing only to acquire valuable virtual properties to sell (called gold farming), and companies that exist only to broker virtual property sales. The business of gathering and trading virtual goods and services for real goods/services is now significant enough to attract the interest of taxing entities. In other words, China just recently decided to officially tax businesses dealing in virtual stuff, and it won’t be long before your taxman follows suit, and decides that individual gamers are worth taxing, too.
Playing video games may be a hobby, but it is a lucrative one. Game companies and software makers who cater to the gamer make billions of dollars per year. But the money can flow back from the game, too. It doesn’t matter how old or young your gamer is…you need to talk about the finances of play, both outgoing and incoming. Further, both gamers and non-gamers should be familiar with the issues and ethics of virtual commerce when it’s tied to real money. The rules don’t change just because the tools do. Sweatshops, theft, and greed are just as real online as they are off, and should not only be a part of the pro-con list of choosing to game, but also under consideration when choosing which games to play.
Ask your gamer about these issues, and make some decisions about how you’ll handle the value of online play. After all, on the modern playground, it’s not just lunch money at stake when for a blurted password, you can get oh, so much more. Know how your money flows, where it goes, and how to protect and manage it. Even if it seems as imaginary and fantastic as the money handled by Wall Street and the U.S. Federal Reserve system.
(Wendy Kays is the author of Game Widow, available wherever books on extremely interesting topics are sold.)
Monday, October 27, 2008
Treatment Options - Phil Reaction Blog II
At the end of the show “Virtual Chaos,” Dr. Phil tosses out a comment about game abuse requiring “highly specialized treatment.” Speaking for those of us who’ve spent a lot of time trying to sort out what scant professional (and unprofessional) help is offered out there, I have to say…what?
From the game widow perspective, there’s no real treatment plan out there. Every psychologist, counselor, doctor and lay citizen I’ve found suggesting “treatment” options has a different approach. Some go with the twelve-step model, some go with the couples counseling model, and I’ve even read about treatment clinics in foreign countries where they’re sticking some kind of IV in the arms of patients…with no mention of WHAT is in the IV. Scary! So I don’t know if Dr. Phil has some highly specialized plan of his own he plans to roll out, but I’ve not seen any press releases from the American Medical or Psychological Associations even recognizing game abuse or “addiction” as an official diagnosis in their DSMs. So I doubt there’s an agreed-upon, highly researched and officially approved plan for dealing with game abuse, let alone a highly specialized treatment. If there is, it must be classified, because there’s no mention of it on the web or in any professional journal I’ve skimmed lately.
I think the most frustrating thing about publicly talking about game culture issues on a household level is getting emails from people asking where they can find a professional to help them. They’ve tried yelling and begging, and they’ve given up hope that anything they do will make a difference. They need help, but where should they go?
First, no person, gamer or not, will respond positively to being dragged to a counselor to be “fixed.” Unless a person is willing to change, and sees a good reason for doing so, they just won’t. Second, most counselors impress gamers very quickly as being out of touch with what’s important to them. They don’t know the games, they don’t know the culture, and they don’t seem to grasp that they come off as condescending and pompous when they pretend to be familiar with game culture, but know only stereotypes. Third, most of the counselors trying to specialize and provide useful help in this area live too far away to even consider a visit to see if they might be the right person to help, let alone visit regularly enough to receive counseling.
So what can I tell the people emailing me in the midst of their despair? First, don’t try to talk to your gamer about how you feel when you’re upset and the game is on. Wait until you’re both happy and relaxed, or schedule a time when he’s not fresh off the game or anticipating a new game. Second, talk about the issues, not each other. If you take a side, it’s human nature for the other conversant to take the other side. Gamers are just as familiar with the risks of gaming as they are the benefits. Talk about both. If you talk about how they affect your relationship, ask if he wants to do figure it out between you two alone, or if there’s someone you both trust to help mediate and translate, or if he’s willing to work with you to find a counselor you both feel comfortable talking to. You can change your minds later if the option you choose doesn’t work out, and go for a different approach. Third, if you do go looking for a mediator or counselor, be patient. You’re not going to find the right person to click with you both the first time you meet with someone…unless you’re incredibly lucky. And when you start meeting with this professional, don’t expect change all at once, or for the conversation to be all about the gamer. Be prepared to make some changes yourself. After all, the goal here isn’t to be “right” or to “win,” but to work out a way to keep this relationship and make it work for both of you.
Of course, there’s always the chance your gamer will tell you to hit the road if you don’t like how things are. In that case, “highly specialized treatment,” as Dr. Phil puts it, means letting go of what he wants, and focusing on what you need. You only have three choices. Live with it, renegotiate, or leave. Only you can decide which of those options will work for you, or if you need to try them all in your own order. The key here is never to threaten to leave, unless you are immediately prepared, mentally and physically, to do so. Empty threats only weaken your credibility, and thus, your ability to bargain effectively. Sometimes, you just have to let go of the hope that he’ll wake up and want to make you happy, and go find someone who won’t treat you like a rebellious servant. Someone actually interested enough in an offline relationship to balance gaming and real life, and handle the responsibility and emotions that come with living with another person as an intimate partner. It’s harsh, and painful, to face this decision when your gamer doesn’t seem to care how you feel, or even if you live or die. But part of being a game widow is being tough enough to see your personal reality and deal with it, especially when he won’t.
From the game widow perspective, there’s no real treatment plan out there. Every psychologist, counselor, doctor and lay citizen I’ve found suggesting “treatment” options has a different approach. Some go with the twelve-step model, some go with the couples counseling model, and I’ve even read about treatment clinics in foreign countries where they’re sticking some kind of IV in the arms of patients…with no mention of WHAT is in the IV. Scary! So I don’t know if Dr. Phil has some highly specialized plan of his own he plans to roll out, but I’ve not seen any press releases from the American Medical or Psychological Associations even recognizing game abuse or “addiction” as an official diagnosis in their DSMs. So I doubt there’s an agreed-upon, highly researched and officially approved plan for dealing with game abuse, let alone a highly specialized treatment. If there is, it must be classified, because there’s no mention of it on the web or in any professional journal I’ve skimmed lately.
I think the most frustrating thing about publicly talking about game culture issues on a household level is getting emails from people asking where they can find a professional to help them. They’ve tried yelling and begging, and they’ve given up hope that anything they do will make a difference. They need help, but where should they go?
First, no person, gamer or not, will respond positively to being dragged to a counselor to be “fixed.” Unless a person is willing to change, and sees a good reason for doing so, they just won’t. Second, most counselors impress gamers very quickly as being out of touch with what’s important to them. They don’t know the games, they don’t know the culture, and they don’t seem to grasp that they come off as condescending and pompous when they pretend to be familiar with game culture, but know only stereotypes. Third, most of the counselors trying to specialize and provide useful help in this area live too far away to even consider a visit to see if they might be the right person to help, let alone visit regularly enough to receive counseling.
So what can I tell the people emailing me in the midst of their despair? First, don’t try to talk to your gamer about how you feel when you’re upset and the game is on. Wait until you’re both happy and relaxed, or schedule a time when he’s not fresh off the game or anticipating a new game. Second, talk about the issues, not each other. If you take a side, it’s human nature for the other conversant to take the other side. Gamers are just as familiar with the risks of gaming as they are the benefits. Talk about both. If you talk about how they affect your relationship, ask if he wants to do figure it out between you two alone, or if there’s someone you both trust to help mediate and translate, or if he’s willing to work with you to find a counselor you both feel comfortable talking to. You can change your minds later if the option you choose doesn’t work out, and go for a different approach. Third, if you do go looking for a mediator or counselor, be patient. You’re not going to find the right person to click with you both the first time you meet with someone…unless you’re incredibly lucky. And when you start meeting with this professional, don’t expect change all at once, or for the conversation to be all about the gamer. Be prepared to make some changes yourself. After all, the goal here isn’t to be “right” or to “win,” but to work out a way to keep this relationship and make it work for both of you.
Of course, there’s always the chance your gamer will tell you to hit the road if you don’t like how things are. In that case, “highly specialized treatment,” as Dr. Phil puts it, means letting go of what he wants, and focusing on what you need. You only have three choices. Live with it, renegotiate, or leave. Only you can decide which of those options will work for you, or if you need to try them all in your own order. The key here is never to threaten to leave, unless you are immediately prepared, mentally and physically, to do so. Empty threats only weaken your credibility, and thus, your ability to bargain effectively. Sometimes, you just have to let go of the hope that he’ll wake up and want to make you happy, and go find someone who won’t treat you like a rebellious servant. Someone actually interested enough in an offline relationship to balance gaming and real life, and handle the responsibility and emotions that come with living with another person as an intimate partner. It’s harsh, and painful, to face this decision when your gamer doesn’t seem to care how you feel, or even if you live or die. But part of being a game widow is being tough enough to see your personal reality and deal with it, especially when he won’t.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Dr. Phil Virtual Chaos Episode
Now that the Dr. Phil Show has aired, I’m legally free to blog about the experience of being on the Virtual Chaos show, and the content of the show itself. Yes! There’s so much to comment on that it’s tough to choose what to hit first. So I’ll go with how very ironic it is to be accused by Dr. Phil of defending the game industry (i.e. not being objective) because my husband is a designer. Most people assume from the title and cover of my book, Game Widow, that I’m anti-industry. And truthfully, when I started researching this issue in 2002, I was so angry about being a game widow that I included the industry and everyone involved with making games in that rage. It’s been a long road, and I can laugh now at being told I’m pro-industry. Not because I’m pro- or anti-, but because I’ve finally hit that place where I can be factual enough to be accused by both sides of being on the other side. It’s a strange feeling.
When I told my mom I was invited to be on The Dr. Phil Show, she asked, “Do we like Dr. Phil?” In a polite way, I think she was concerned that if I were pushing for a more even-handed and educated approach to problems with video games, Dr. Phil might not be the right forum. I explained to her that going on the show was the right thing for many reasons. First, I believe that the American people are savvier than Hollywood and politicians give them credit for being. After decades of being exposed to movie and television spectacle, we can all pretty much separate showmanship from substance. Second, the people who watch Dr. Phil are looking for direct, non-nonsense approach to difficult subjects. I offer that in Game Widow. Dr. Phil invited me to be an expert on the show because he is not one on this particular subject. Third, Dr. Phil has a very large audience, some of whom might be one of the small percentages (10-20% max) of gaming families in which there is someone abusing entertainment. When you’re starting from scratch, it’s hard to join the debate in the middle. Game Widow will get those people up to speed.
The contracts I signed before going on the show made it very clear that Dr. Phil is not a licensed mental health or counseling professional anywhere. (I should also add here, I’m not either.) Those contracts also made it clear that if Dr. Phil messed me up worse than I already am, or I’m pissed about how he twisted my words or manipulated/used me, I can’t sue. (But I can blog, now that the show has aired!) And yes, Dr. Phil did a great demonstration on Virtual Chaos of exactly the opposite approach of handling an abusing gamer that I recommend in Game Widow. But that will make it just that more amusing for people who’ve bought the book because they saw the show. Irony, after all, is a form of humor.
But I think the most important thing to point out in this flagship blog about the Dr. Phil Virtual Chaos episode is the way pre-existing mental health and substance abuse issues for abusing gamers was purposely glossed over, if not completely omitted. I overheard a staff member backstage telling Brad not to mention that he struggles with bi-polar disorder. The explanation? Dr. Phil doesn’t want to talk about that particular issue. Then he didn’t challenge Liz Wooley when he pulled out of her that her son wasn’t completely healthy, but had A.D.D. and epilepsy prior to his gaming, and before he chose to kill himself while his game ran. If Dr. Phil’s definition of a healthy person includes someone struggling with physical and mental health disorders, and those with learning disabilities, that’s important. Especially since his real effort was to make it sound like any normal, healthy person could suddenly flip out and abuse games to the point that they lost everything. While this makes for great television, it certainly doesn’t make for great accuracy. While there are no independent quantitative studies that show the percentages on this, I’ve noticed in my qualitative research that “healthy” is a relative term…see my previous blog on this particular issue. My definition of healthy and Dr. Phil’s are clearly different.
Do I think Dr. Phil is evil, and out to take down the game industry or villanize players? No. I think he’s a showman. I think he did the quintessential show on “game addiction” because his viewers are concerned about game abuse. Perhaps now that he’s covered the standard basics of one perspective so thoroughly, there’s room for a public discussion of other perspectives, thus adding more nuance to the public discussion. After all, most media outlets have only so much time and space. And there’s oh, so much more to talk about.
When I told my mom I was invited to be on The Dr. Phil Show, she asked, “Do we like Dr. Phil?” In a polite way, I think she was concerned that if I were pushing for a more even-handed and educated approach to problems with video games, Dr. Phil might not be the right forum. I explained to her that going on the show was the right thing for many reasons. First, I believe that the American people are savvier than Hollywood and politicians give them credit for being. After decades of being exposed to movie and television spectacle, we can all pretty much separate showmanship from substance. Second, the people who watch Dr. Phil are looking for direct, non-nonsense approach to difficult subjects. I offer that in Game Widow. Dr. Phil invited me to be an expert on the show because he is not one on this particular subject. Third, Dr. Phil has a very large audience, some of whom might be one of the small percentages (10-20% max) of gaming families in which there is someone abusing entertainment. When you’re starting from scratch, it’s hard to join the debate in the middle. Game Widow will get those people up to speed.
The contracts I signed before going on the show made it very clear that Dr. Phil is not a licensed mental health or counseling professional anywhere. (I should also add here, I’m not either.) Those contracts also made it clear that if Dr. Phil messed me up worse than I already am, or I’m pissed about how he twisted my words or manipulated/used me, I can’t sue. (But I can blog, now that the show has aired!) And yes, Dr. Phil did a great demonstration on Virtual Chaos of exactly the opposite approach of handling an abusing gamer that I recommend in Game Widow. But that will make it just that more amusing for people who’ve bought the book because they saw the show. Irony, after all, is a form of humor.
But I think the most important thing to point out in this flagship blog about the Dr. Phil Virtual Chaos episode is the way pre-existing mental health and substance abuse issues for abusing gamers was purposely glossed over, if not completely omitted. I overheard a staff member backstage telling Brad not to mention that he struggles with bi-polar disorder. The explanation? Dr. Phil doesn’t want to talk about that particular issue. Then he didn’t challenge Liz Wooley when he pulled out of her that her son wasn’t completely healthy, but had A.D.D. and epilepsy prior to his gaming, and before he chose to kill himself while his game ran. If Dr. Phil’s definition of a healthy person includes someone struggling with physical and mental health disorders, and those with learning disabilities, that’s important. Especially since his real effort was to make it sound like any normal, healthy person could suddenly flip out and abuse games to the point that they lost everything. While this makes for great television, it certainly doesn’t make for great accuracy. While there are no independent quantitative studies that show the percentages on this, I’ve noticed in my qualitative research that “healthy” is a relative term…see my previous blog on this particular issue. My definition of healthy and Dr. Phil’s are clearly different.
Do I think Dr. Phil is evil, and out to take down the game industry or villanize players? No. I think he’s a showman. I think he did the quintessential show on “game addiction” because his viewers are concerned about game abuse. Perhaps now that he’s covered the standard basics of one perspective so thoroughly, there’s room for a public discussion of other perspectives, thus adding more nuance to the public discussion. After all, most media outlets have only so much time and space. And there’s oh, so much more to talk about.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Healthy gamers and “video game addiction”
In the debate over the relative benefits and pitfalls of gaming, the most interesting discussion is whether healthy people can be “addicted” by video games. A simple yes or no answer really doesn’t cut it, as this is a nuanced and complicated issue. First, there is the definition of terms. Can we even agree on what it means to be healthy or addicted, when not even medical professionals agree, let alone recognize game abuse as addiction?
News outlets and non-gamers are surprised when they discover the majority of gamers are physically healthy…that they get exercise and have other interests. We’ve all heard the abuse horror stories in which someone neglects themselves and everything around them to live constantly in the game. However, this group of game abusers comprises only about 10-20% of gamers…an extreme sub-group. This is not to say that the families and friends of the 80-90% of relatively responsible gamers don’t get worried or ticked off during binge gaming sessions, or that personal health doesn’t take a backseat when the hot new game comes out. But for most gamers, a descent into the game world for the eternal “five more minutes” isn’t a permanent one. It’s just incredibly annoying to those left holding the reality bag while the gamer enjoys escape and adventure.
Gamers and non-gamers agree that the most prominent abusers of video games have issues that pre-date and actually make them more vulnerable to the temptation to abuse video games. These issues commonly include abuse of drugs and alcohol, abuse of other behaviors like gambling and porn, or struggling with a mental health or disability issue like depression, Asperger’s, ADD, etc. Even the medical community is now recognizing the incredible power of video games to distract a person so deeply that they can be used in place of painkillers. It’s not surprising that video games can be used to self-medicate and avoid issues that cause mental and emotional distress.
But is a healthy person likely to get caught by the desire to abusing video games for mood control, relationship escape, self-esteem, etc.? Could a healthy person become so dependent on entertainment that he or she lets real jobs, relationships, school, et al decay for lack of attention? Again, back to our definition of healthy. And here’s why I think healthy people do abuse video games, temporarily, or long term:
First, because so many stories I hear with “healthy” gamer abusing games includes gaming triggering the discovery of an underlying problem that was previously overlooked. A healthy gamer may have dealt with being the Adult Child of an Alcoholic in a balanced way for years. Or experienced only a very slight depression, thanks to an extremely active lifestyle. But then the games come along and suddenly, that balance is tipped. Small problems are amplified by neglect, and there is a downward spiral that occurs. This gamer was healthy, but that health was based on a delicate balance. The game acted as a sort of litmus to expose the problem.
Second, because “healthy” gamers who abuse video games sometimes do so for the perceived social cache of an extreme gamer. In essence, they get their self-esteem from abusing games. In a way, it is a kind of Hitler Youth mentality, where the gamer believes that their extreme dedication to the games, and prowess in playing them, makes them better than others. Hardcore gaming to them is all about being among the elite of a group which is superior to non-players and casual players. They believe that people who don’t understand or buy into their cultural and intellectual bullying are actually the source of all their problems. There are even people who claiming to speak for the game industry who promote this mindset and look forward to a halcyon future when non-gamers die off. These gamers may be healthy, but they are not healthy. The people who expouse this view of gamers and gaming are more harmful to their own cause than that freak extremist making up fake anti-gaming organizations.
And thirdly, healthy gamers can abuse games because human beings are eternally optimistic, and tend to cling to the self-image of health even when in obvious trouble. We never want to give up hope, or the belief that any issue we currently suffer with is only a temporary blip. Healthy gamers who end up abusing games usually mention only in parenthesis or footnotes that there was some sort of unusual crisis in their life when they started abusing games. A death in the family, a job loss, etc. Added to the eternally belief that we can stop doing whatever self-destructive behavior we’re engaged in at any time, because we are in total control, and you again have to ask, is this healthy? The most common words I’ve heard while researching game widowhood from listening gamers are “of course people get addicted to games, I have friends who are addicted…but I’m not.” Perhaps the person speaking has a problem, and perhaps he or she doesn't. But the rose-colored glasses aren't useful when an accurate self-check is required. We can't fix our own problems, whatever their nature, if we refuse to look at ourselves honestly now and then.
Healthy gamers are physically fit, find pleasure in many activities both electronic and not, have a happy enough circle of family & friends, and seek personal growth outside the virtual world as well as in. They have a realistic picture of the universe around them, and can see things from other perspectives than their own. They have many resources for dealing with crisis. They know both the risks and rewards of gaming, and balance them maturely. Millions and millions of people enjoy video games as simply another entertainment option. But there will be the small million among the tens of millions, who lose their grip, abuse the games, and then defend ruining it for everyone else by claiming that they, the abusers, are the normal and healthy ones.
News outlets and non-gamers are surprised when they discover the majority of gamers are physically healthy…that they get exercise and have other interests. We’ve all heard the abuse horror stories in which someone neglects themselves and everything around them to live constantly in the game. However, this group of game abusers comprises only about 10-20% of gamers…an extreme sub-group. This is not to say that the families and friends of the 80-90% of relatively responsible gamers don’t get worried or ticked off during binge gaming sessions, or that personal health doesn’t take a backseat when the hot new game comes out. But for most gamers, a descent into the game world for the eternal “five more minutes” isn’t a permanent one. It’s just incredibly annoying to those left holding the reality bag while the gamer enjoys escape and adventure.
Gamers and non-gamers agree that the most prominent abusers of video games have issues that pre-date and actually make them more vulnerable to the temptation to abuse video games. These issues commonly include abuse of drugs and alcohol, abuse of other behaviors like gambling and porn, or struggling with a mental health or disability issue like depression, Asperger’s, ADD, etc. Even the medical community is now recognizing the incredible power of video games to distract a person so deeply that they can be used in place of painkillers. It’s not surprising that video games can be used to self-medicate and avoid issues that cause mental and emotional distress.
But is a healthy person likely to get caught by the desire to abusing video games for mood control, relationship escape, self-esteem, etc.? Could a healthy person become so dependent on entertainment that he or she lets real jobs, relationships, school, et al decay for lack of attention? Again, back to our definition of healthy. And here’s why I think healthy people do abuse video games, temporarily, or long term:
First, because so many stories I hear with “healthy” gamer abusing games includes gaming triggering the discovery of an underlying problem that was previously overlooked. A healthy gamer may have dealt with being the Adult Child of an Alcoholic in a balanced way for years. Or experienced only a very slight depression, thanks to an extremely active lifestyle. But then the games come along and suddenly, that balance is tipped. Small problems are amplified by neglect, and there is a downward spiral that occurs. This gamer was healthy, but that health was based on a delicate balance. The game acted as a sort of litmus to expose the problem.
Second, because “healthy” gamers who abuse video games sometimes do so for the perceived social cache of an extreme gamer. In essence, they get their self-esteem from abusing games. In a way, it is a kind of Hitler Youth mentality, where the gamer believes that their extreme dedication to the games, and prowess in playing them, makes them better than others. Hardcore gaming to them is all about being among the elite of a group which is superior to non-players and casual players. They believe that people who don’t understand or buy into their cultural and intellectual bullying are actually the source of all their problems. There are even people who claiming to speak for the game industry who promote this mindset and look forward to a halcyon future when non-gamers die off. These gamers may be healthy, but they are not healthy. The people who expouse this view of gamers and gaming are more harmful to their own cause than that freak extremist making up fake anti-gaming organizations.
And thirdly, healthy gamers can abuse games because human beings are eternally optimistic, and tend to cling to the self-image of health even when in obvious trouble. We never want to give up hope, or the belief that any issue we currently suffer with is only a temporary blip. Healthy gamers who end up abusing games usually mention only in parenthesis or footnotes that there was some sort of unusual crisis in their life when they started abusing games. A death in the family, a job loss, etc. Added to the eternally belief that we can stop doing whatever self-destructive behavior we’re engaged in at any time, because we are in total control, and you again have to ask, is this healthy? The most common words I’ve heard while researching game widowhood from listening gamers are “of course people get addicted to games, I have friends who are addicted…but I’m not.” Perhaps the person speaking has a problem, and perhaps he or she doesn't. But the rose-colored glasses aren't useful when an accurate self-check is required. We can't fix our own problems, whatever their nature, if we refuse to look at ourselves honestly now and then.
Healthy gamers are physically fit, find pleasure in many activities both electronic and not, have a happy enough circle of family & friends, and seek personal growth outside the virtual world as well as in. They have a realistic picture of the universe around them, and can see things from other perspectives than their own. They have many resources for dealing with crisis. They know both the risks and rewards of gaming, and balance them maturely. Millions and millions of people enjoy video games as simply another entertainment option. But there will be the small million among the tens of millions, who lose their grip, abuse the games, and then defend ruining it for everyone else by claiming that they, the abusers, are the normal and healthy ones.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
The Trifecta of Blame
OK, so it’s a normal human thing to try to blame anyone and everyone else for personal problems, rather than taking responsibility. I get that big time. I’ve heard blame flying at the games industry for addicting people to video games on purpose, I’ve heard blame flying at gamers for not playing responsibly, and I’ve heard blame thrown at non-gaming friends and family for being evil, clueless and whiny, thus making normal relationships extremely unattractive compared to gaming.
So whose fault is this whole “game addiction” thing? First, let’s clarify three things. One, “game addiction” is actually “game abuse.” Second, only a small percentage of people who play video games abuse them to the point where they display addiction-like symptoms. And third, “game addiction” is not a real diagnosis, according to the American Medical Association. So counselors and medical personnel out there talking about “game addiction” are talking about a socially debated behavior using a slang verbal handle, not about a scientifically proven medical or mental issue.
Does game abuse exist? Absolutely. But no one knows exactly what percentage of gamers abuse, and thus make the majority of gamers look bad. I’ve heard educated guesses that fall between ten and twenty percent, and that sounds about right to me, based on the percentage of game widow case studies out of hundreds I’ve seen. Only about ten to twenty percent of the people I interviewed and gathered stories about online and off would have a problem severe enough to attract the “addicted” label and an invitation to frighten people with their example in a media story. The majority of game widows are actually dealing with much milder forms of irresponsible play and simple confusion over video game issues, not the serious abuse.
So is anyone truly to blame for game abuse? Well, yes, but not really in the finger-pointing blockbuster movie villain way. Game abuse is an unforeseen consequence of the actions of three groups: the game designers, the gamers, and the game widows. Game designers made games as fun and emotionally gripping as they could – this is called “replay value” in the industry. They want the game to be so fun you play it not just once, but over and over again. The movie industry shoots for the same goal…movies so good that you not only go to see them in the theater, but you also buy the DVD and watch the same movie multiple times.
The designers succeeded so fantastically that gamers blew through save points, played through the night, and chose games over other entertainment options. And a small percentage chose games over real life when the games became deep and rich enough to satisfy needs that weren’t being met in their real lives, or to engross them enough to forget real mental and physical pain. Then, the game widows (and widowers), angry with gamers for choosing games over more time spent with family, raged, cried, and generally attacked the gamers. This made real life a lot less safe and attractive to gamers already struggling with a virtual world that seemed more rewarding, exciting, and emotionally safe than real life.
So really, it became a perfect storm of unintended consequences. Good games, plus the eternal five more minutes, plus angry housewife…equals major temptation to abuse. So where do we go from here? Many advocate forcing the industry to take responsibility for stopping the madness. The industry definitely needs to acknowledge the problem in a way that limits their liability, but they can’t take the full burden of fixing game abuse. The industry can only take symbolic action. They simply have no way of controlling gamers once the product leaves their hands. Game widows, too, can only take good faith steps toward fixing the problem by remaining calm and taking a more measured and educated approach to increasing the pull of real life over games. The real power lies in the hands of the abusers. The abusers who abandon responsibility for self-gratification. The abusers who bring all gamers under suspicious and angry scrutiny for the actions of a few. The abusers who neglect, and worse, physically and mentally harm spouses, children and parents, just so they can stay in the game.
The blame percentage split amongst the players might be debatable, but it should be clear to everyone that 100% of the fix rests squarely on the shoulders of the gamers themselves. The game industry and families can be supportive of change, but they can’t force that change for any adult gamer. And let’s face it…even kids will choose for themselves. If adults force games out of the house as an “easy” fix, kids are going to sneak out of the house to play. It’s time to address the root of the issue instead of chasing definitions and blame.
So whose fault is this whole “game addiction” thing? First, let’s clarify three things. One, “game addiction” is actually “game abuse.” Second, only a small percentage of people who play video games abuse them to the point where they display addiction-like symptoms. And third, “game addiction” is not a real diagnosis, according to the American Medical Association. So counselors and medical personnel out there talking about “game addiction” are talking about a socially debated behavior using a slang verbal handle, not about a scientifically proven medical or mental issue.
Does game abuse exist? Absolutely. But no one knows exactly what percentage of gamers abuse, and thus make the majority of gamers look bad. I’ve heard educated guesses that fall between ten and twenty percent, and that sounds about right to me, based on the percentage of game widow case studies out of hundreds I’ve seen. Only about ten to twenty percent of the people I interviewed and gathered stories about online and off would have a problem severe enough to attract the “addicted” label and an invitation to frighten people with their example in a media story. The majority of game widows are actually dealing with much milder forms of irresponsible play and simple confusion over video game issues, not the serious abuse.
So is anyone truly to blame for game abuse? Well, yes, but not really in the finger-pointing blockbuster movie villain way. Game abuse is an unforeseen consequence of the actions of three groups: the game designers, the gamers, and the game widows. Game designers made games as fun and emotionally gripping as they could – this is called “replay value” in the industry. They want the game to be so fun you play it not just once, but over and over again. The movie industry shoots for the same goal…movies so good that you not only go to see them in the theater, but you also buy the DVD and watch the same movie multiple times.
The designers succeeded so fantastically that gamers blew through save points, played through the night, and chose games over other entertainment options. And a small percentage chose games over real life when the games became deep and rich enough to satisfy needs that weren’t being met in their real lives, or to engross them enough to forget real mental and physical pain. Then, the game widows (and widowers), angry with gamers for choosing games over more time spent with family, raged, cried, and generally attacked the gamers. This made real life a lot less safe and attractive to gamers already struggling with a virtual world that seemed more rewarding, exciting, and emotionally safe than real life.
So really, it became a perfect storm of unintended consequences. Good games, plus the eternal five more minutes, plus angry housewife…equals major temptation to abuse. So where do we go from here? Many advocate forcing the industry to take responsibility for stopping the madness. The industry definitely needs to acknowledge the problem in a way that limits their liability, but they can’t take the full burden of fixing game abuse. The industry can only take symbolic action. They simply have no way of controlling gamers once the product leaves their hands. Game widows, too, can only take good faith steps toward fixing the problem by remaining calm and taking a more measured and educated approach to increasing the pull of real life over games. The real power lies in the hands of the abusers. The abusers who abandon responsibility for self-gratification. The abusers who bring all gamers under suspicious and angry scrutiny for the actions of a few. The abusers who neglect, and worse, physically and mentally harm spouses, children and parents, just so they can stay in the game.
The blame percentage split amongst the players might be debatable, but it should be clear to everyone that 100% of the fix rests squarely on the shoulders of the gamers themselves. The game industry and families can be supportive of change, but they can’t force that change for any adult gamer. And let’s face it…even kids will choose for themselves. If adults force games out of the house as an “easy” fix, kids are going to sneak out of the house to play. It’s time to address the root of the issue instead of chasing definitions and blame.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Snapped Up Right Out of the Gate
Tolly Moseley, my publicist, had me all prepared for an underwhelming response to the publication of my book in the first week it was out. A wise, experienced woman.
So Game Widow published on September 1st, 2008, and the producers at Dr. Phil called on the 3rd to ask if I were interested in coming on the show. Several interviews later, and I've passed muster. It looks as though I'll actually be taping the show on 9/16, and making excuses about the camera adding twenty pounds in the first part of October. (Apparently the show airs about 2-3 weeks after it tapes, so they can edit out all the times I say "ya know.")
Exciting, yes. Nauseating, yes. A boring first couple of weeks, hardly! Also, I've now interviewed by email and phone with reporters from the Utah Statesman, Daily Milenio (huge newspaper in Mexico), and Austin American-Statesman, who were all very gracious and interested.
Thanks to everyone who stepped up to help this week so I could do a rapid change from work-at-home mom to work-everywhere-mom. And thanks to all of you who have already bought Game Widow, and spread the news to friends that it isn't just the personal story of a game widow, or some bitter tome of revenge.
Now if only Second Skin would come to my local theater on the night a babysitter is available, my happiness would be complete!
(Wendy Kays is the author of Game Widow, now available in all awesome online and offline bookstores. You can get more information at GameWidow.org.)
So Game Widow published on September 1st, 2008, and the producers at Dr. Phil called on the 3rd to ask if I were interested in coming on the show. Several interviews later, and I've passed muster. It looks as though I'll actually be taping the show on 9/16, and making excuses about the camera adding twenty pounds in the first part of October. (Apparently the show airs about 2-3 weeks after it tapes, so they can edit out all the times I say "ya know.")
Exciting, yes. Nauseating, yes. A boring first couple of weeks, hardly! Also, I've now interviewed by email and phone with reporters from the Utah Statesman, Daily Milenio (huge newspaper in Mexico), and Austin American-Statesman, who were all very gracious and interested.
Thanks to everyone who stepped up to help this week so I could do a rapid change from work-at-home mom to work-everywhere-mom. And thanks to all of you who have already bought Game Widow, and spread the news to friends that it isn't just the personal story of a game widow, or some bitter tome of revenge.
Now if only Second Skin would come to my local theater on the night a babysitter is available, my happiness would be complete!
(Wendy Kays is the author of Game Widow, now available in all awesome online and offline bookstores. You can get more information at GameWidow.org.)
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